Birthday Blues in Your 30s? Same, Sis. Let’s Talk About It.
My loved ones always go out of their way to make me feel seen, loved, and celebrated on my birthday. They really pour into me, and I never take that kind of care for granted.
My birthday was April 2nd and while I'm always down for Aries season energy, I was definitely fighting off the birthday blues this year (and last year). It's a mix of gratitude and heaviness that can sneak up, even when things are going well. I gave myself room to feel it all and still found moments to celebrate.
But can we be honest for a minute? Birthdays aren’t always great..and birthdays in your late 20s and 30s can be weird. One minute you’re grateful for another trip around the sun, and the next you’re spiraling because that “one thing” you thought would be done by now… still isn’t. Add in long workdays, world events, and social media timelines full of surprise trips and flower walls — and whew, it’s a lot.
This is what some folks call the birthday blues. And it’s more common than people think.
According to a medically reviewed article on Medical News Today, symptoms can include things like low energy, sadness, trouble sleeping, feeling anxious, and even physical aches and pains leading up to and on your birthday. (Cadman, 2025).
But here’s what I’m learning: feeling down around your birthday doesn’t make you ungrateful. It makes you human — especially when you carry the weight of being a young Black or brown woman in a world that’s constantly demanding your strength.
So how do you actually get through it? Here’s what’s helped me and some of the people I love:
1. Stop Expecting Magic If You Haven’t Been Showing Up
This one might sting a little, but it’s real: you can’t expect people to make your birthday special if you haven’t been building community all year. If you only tap in with your people when you need something or once a year when your birthday rolls around, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.
So instead of centering the day, center the practice. Call your friends just because. Show up when they launch a project. Be the “I got you” in someone else’s story — not just when it’s your turn.
2. Create Your Own Traditions
If people forget or plans fall through, it doesn’t mean you have to abandon the day. Get dressed up and take yourself to that nice dinner spot. Book the massage. Order that thing you’ve been eyeing. Watch your favorite movies in bed. Create rituals that don’t require an audience.
3. Keep the Vibes Low-Lift
Don’t overplan. And don’t force yourself into someone else’s version of what “celebrating” should look like. If a small hangout with your favorite playlist and one friend sounds good? Do that. Don’t let the pressure to have an Instagram-worthy birthday push you into anxiety. Chill joy counts too.
4. Start the Day with Intention
Start the day with gratitude, not a group text. Light a candle. Journal. Pray. Dance. Eat your favorite breakfast. However you start, make it yours. You deserve to begin the day with yourself before anyone else.
5. Be Honest About What You’re Feeling
There’s nothing wrong with saying, “Hey, I’m feeling a little off this week.” You don’t have to fake happiness. You can hold joy and sadness at the same time. Sometimes grief sneaks in — for people who aren’t here anymore, for milestones that didn’t happen, or for who you thought you’d be by now.
You’re not broken for feeling that way. You’re growing.
6. Set a Sadness Time Limit
Give yourself permission to feel. But also give yourself a limit. Don’t let one tough day turn into a whole spiral. Feel it, name it, and then do something (even something small) to break up the heaviness. Go for a walk. Text a friend. Watch something funny. Move the energy.
So yeah, birthdays can be hard. But they can also be soft. Slow. Sacred. Yours.
Even if you don’t have a big celebration, receive a million calls, or have a massive party, you’re still worthy of being loved and celebrated — by others and by you.
Take care of yourself this season — and not just on your birthday. Build the community, care, and joy you want to receive. 💛
